TV Game Shows That Take Place In IKEAs Will Scar You For Life
"What newfangled sport have they come up with NOW?" Alice groaned, blasting her iPod up louder.
"This one you will enjoy, my little sis~" Her brother Scottie grinned. "It's... Ya guessin'? Guessin'? Hmm? Hmm? Hmm?"
The look on his younger sister's face was so unamused that he immediately burst out with, "IKEA shopping racing!"
"IKEA shopping racing- what the heck? The people on this 'Extreme Wacky Sports' show are insane, why do you make me watch this? Sherlock is calling my name!" Alice exasperated.
Scottie just laughed. "You can watch your creepy British television later! Just this one episode, pleeeeease?"
"Fine." Alice sighed. Grinning once more, Scottie switched the TV on. An extremely old, wrinkled host and a young hostess with way too much makeup on and who looked like she visited the tanning booth and a plastic surgeon way way too much were standing in front of an IKEA in Stockholm. They were conversing in rapid Swedish. With no subtitles.
Alice exploded. "What the- This is crap! Turn it off! Turn if ooof-"
"And our first contestants of the day are Mary Sue and Gary Stu!" the female announcer cooed, interrupting Alice's rant. She gave the viewers a very fake looking smile, hitting poses and looking very much like the stuff of nightmares, A.K.A. Hannah Montana.
"I can understand! Finally!" Alice raised her hands in triumph.
Mary Sue and Gary Stu ran in and up the stairs, knocking poor gender-neutral Swedish children down. After rushing through the store and sending more Swedes to a horribly
painful fate, finally located the IKEA plushie section. Tossing snakes and other assorted normal-looking stuffed animals aside, they located the plushie they were looking
for- The heart with arms that looked as creepily-cute as blood-sucking bunnies.
"What the [CENSORED] is this thing?!" Mary Sue screamed, throwing it at a worker on a ladder, who happened to fall off and landed on ANOTHER poor Swede.
"I don't know, but it's surely the spawn of Hello Kitty and Satan! Let's get away! AGGGH!" Gary Stu agreed. He and Mary Sue ran rushed back out, yet again shoving more gender-neutral Swedish children out of their way.
Alice had had enough. She switched the TV off. "WHAT WAS THAT?!"
Scottie just laughed. "Now you know how I feel when you force me to watch Ponyo The Fish On The Cliff By The Sea!" He was silenced with a pillow to the face.
"DON'T DISS CUTE LITTLE GOLDFISH WHO TURN INTO STUPIDBABYISH LITTLE GIRLS!"
And so Scottie learned his lesson the hard way, only because Alice hit him in the face so hard his glasses broke. And he swore to never watch TV game shows that take place in Stockholm IKEAs ever again.